the weight you can’t see
This part of my life is incredibly personal and has been difficult to write. But I’ve come to realize that staying silent doesn't protect me, it isolates me.
Last year, I was diagnosed with Atypical Anorexia Nervosa, and I’m tired of that isolation.
I want to share my story in hopes that it can help someone who might unfortunately relate. Full transparency- I am still in recovery. I still have bad days, but I'm much better than I was. I’m not sure if I'll ever be fully “healed” but I am proud of how far I’ve come. Maybe sharing the steps I’ve taken toward healing can help you, too.
At one point, I was eating less than 1000 calories everyday and exercising obsessively. I had low iron, CBC and B12 levels. My hair was falling out in clumps. I was constantly dizzy and always drained of energy. I stepped on a scale every chance I got. I couldn't leave the house without taking a body-checking video of myself.
I had lost 200 pounds in 18 months, and the faster I started shrinking, the louder the people in my life cheered.
Living in a society that idolizes being thin, weight loss is endlessly praised. Hearing things like “You look amazing” and “You look so much better now” made me feel like I was finally doing something right.
When in reality, I was doing it all wrong.
Your typical anorexia patients are characterized by the intense fear of gaining weight, distorted body image and self imposed malnutrition. These individuals will severely restrict food, starve themselves and base their self worth on what others think of their appearances.
The only difference between typical and atypical anorexia is weight criteria.
People with atypical anorexia may be in a “normal” weight range, overweight or even obese by BMI standards.
You don’t “look sick”, so you learn to suffer in silence.
In a few of the coming posts, I’ll be sharing more about my experiences, what I’ve learned and where I still struggle with my eating disorder. Maybe you can relate or maybe you're just along for the ride. Either way, I’m glad you’re here.
